Andrea_Key4eva - Hate How Much I Love You.
Hate How Much I Love You by Andrea_Key4eva
Story Link; http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/69085/
Reviewer; purichu
Story Link; http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/69085/
Reviewer; purichu
Title – 3/5; It’s okay. It doesn’t captivate me in but it’s not bad.
Foreword/Description – 10/10; It’s really bright and colorful. Hell, it got me excited to read it. I adore how you gave bullet points for the characters, and then in their POV, you write an insight in their lives. I could’ve cried tears of joy since I’ve been stumbling across so many poorly executed stories. The lyrics were a nice touch and the color-coding was nice. I feel like such a muffin giving out so many compliments but I can tell you took your time while creating the story. It’s just so overly-typical for Dongwoon to be the ‘hot, bad-boy, kingka flirt.’ It’s so played out. But, it doesn’t bother me because the idea of the story is pretty good.
Poster/trailer – 4/5; the poster is simple and mellow. It has a certain ‘techno-mystery’ feel to it, if that even makes sense. Although, the background creeps me out. I don’t feel comfortable reading while having Kikwang and Dongwoon look at me through out. ;^; And the fact that it moves is a bit annoying.
Plot – 11/20; Like I mentioned before, it’s a bit clichéd. But, I like it. I’ve only read a few ‘after-math sex’ stories so this kind of plot is fairly new to me. Except for Kikwang being the childhood best friend in love with the main girl and Dongwoon being the bad boy who I’m sure in the long-run, will get the girl. Obviously. These type of things are typical. I found it interesting that he put up a façade to lure Sunhee in, right? And when he finds out his freedom is cut because of her, things get bad. It’s exciting to wonder how he’ll act on it.
Creativity – 5/10. Just because… Like I mentioned before, you’re story is a bit clichéd.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary – 7/10; Chapter one: “She sang along with the little bird with that angelic smile on her glorious face.” I don’t know about you, but that sentence is pretty awkward. A better way of writing it would be “She sang along with the little bird as an angelic smile spread on her glorious face.” It’s more believable, nee?
“The moonlight caressing her face, the way it should be.” --- That makes no sense.
“The moonlight caressed her face.” --- That’s all, nothing more, nothing less.
“I caress her right, smooth cheek” --- “I caressed her smooth, right cheek.”
“…willing my lips to touch those white cheeks.” --- “…my lips willing to touch those white cheeks.”
“…rooted on the ground.” --- “…rooted to the ground.”
“…unlike the sweet melody her lips bring.” Change ‘bring’ to ‘brought’.
Now this is where Sunhee goes on stage. “In like”? That’s…stupid. I know you wanted to let readers know she never liked anyone contrary to her never being ‘in love’ but seriously. That’s a major face-palm. The ending for chapter one was hilarious. Oh, Dongwoon. You sly player. ;D You’re vocabulary is okay as well as punctuation. You’re grammar isn’t bad either but it could use some work.
“The moonlight caressing her face, the way it should be.” --- That makes no sense.
“The moonlight caressed her face.” --- That’s all, nothing more, nothing less.
“I caress her right, smooth cheek” --- “I caressed her smooth, right cheek.”
“…willing my lips to touch those white cheeks.” --- “…my lips willing to touch those white cheeks.”
“…rooted on the ground.” --- “…rooted to the ground.”
“…unlike the sweet melody her lips bring.” Change ‘bring’ to ‘brought’.
Now this is where Sunhee goes on stage. “In like”? That’s…stupid. I know you wanted to let readers know she never liked anyone contrary to her never being ‘in love’ but seriously. That’s a major face-palm. The ending for chapter one was hilarious. Oh, Dongwoon. You sly player. ;D You’re vocabulary is okay as well as punctuation. You’re grammar isn’t bad either but it could use some work.
Writing Style – 8/10; your writing style isn’t bad and it’s easy to read. The chapters aren’t super long but they aren’t short either, they’re just right. What I don’t get is the way you write the names. ‘SunHee, HyunSeung, JunHyung, KiKwang…’ that’s the way they’re supposed to be written but whenever you write Dongwoon’s name, you leave it instead of putting ‘DongWoon.’ Why not leave the names alone instad of uppercasing the second syllable of the surname?
Characterization – 10/10; I’ll give you full points for this since the story just started and there’s plenty of time for development. Dongwoon is typical and he doesn’t really change. He’s arrogant and has high hormones. He fucks a lot and that’s all we’ve got from him so far. Kikwang is openly caring for Sunhee and he’s a bit sensitive. I like him. As for Sunhee…I don’t like her. LOL. She annoys me for some reason.
Flow – 9/10; The flow is pretty good. Everything fits together and there were no jumpy scenes.
Ending – Since there’s no ending, you won’t get graded for this.
TOTAL - 67/95; 70.5%
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