sungmin_pumpkin96 - Are we fitted to be together? Maybe,Maybe not...
Are we fitted To Be Together? Maybe, Maybe not... by sungmin_pumpkin96
Story Link; http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/71674/
Reviewer; purichu
Story Link; http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/71674/
Reviewer; purichu
Title – 0/5 – Oh…no. *face palm* English isn’t your first language, right? Aish. I still can’t give you any points, it wouldn’t be fair. First, your title is too long and makes absolutely no sense. It should be “Are We Fit to be Together?” drop the ‘maybe, maybe not’ part. You capitalized the wrong words at some parts.
Foreword/Description – 5/10; It’s nice and colorful. Using pictures are always a plus in my book. It’s really eye-catching as well; therefore you are awarded 5 points. You lost the remaining 5 due to poor grammar etc. etc. The description you have…no. Let’s fix this, shall we? :D Here’s my take on how it should be, or at least how I would put it. “Enter the lives of two very different people who share the same mutual hate. As much as they would love to avoid each other, fate seems to always bring them together. To make matters worse, they have to get married?! What challenges await the two? Will they stick together? Or will they break apart? You gave credit to the poster shop, good, good. A side note; ‘in love’ is two words so stop writing it as ‘inlove’.
Poster/trailer – 5/5; the poster is super cute!! >u< The background is…eh. It’s kind of boring. I just hope the people who made your poster noticed the awkward title.
Plot – 10/20; your plot is shamelessly over-used. Two people hate each other then have to get married. I’ve seen it many times and honestly, it bores me. But that doesn’t mean the quality will be bad, right?
Creativity – 5/10; ^
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary – 4/10; I know English isn’t your first language but I can’t take that as a legit excuse. There are tons of writers on AFF who have English as a second language and write decent fiction’s so whatever your grade is, so be it. We’ll work with chapter one. When you put quotation marks, you can’t space out the sentence. For example, this is how you write: “ Miss Yongji, ” NO. It should be “Miss Yongji,” Like that.
“Oh, Hi everyone. By the way I’m Lee Yongji.” à “Hi. My name is Lee Yongji.” Since English isn’t your first language, I’ll expect a lot of mistakes so we’ll stop here.
Writing Style – 5/10; refrain from putting ‘No one’s POV’. That’s stupid. Many writers on AFF do that and it’s stupid. Just skip two spaces and start writing in 3rd person. All in all, you’re writing style is pretty good. I’m impressed with the chat room. It must’ve took a while.
Characterization – 10/10; Yongji is neutral to me. Kyuhyun is mean. And her two best friends are awesome. Yongji is kind of annoying. I know she’s supposed to hate him but she goes a bit overboard sometimes.
Flow – 10/10; Flow is perfect. The chapter length is long which gives it a smooth transition to the next chapter. 36 chapters and a lot of things have left to happen. I like that. I’m glad you didn’t specifically rush anything.
Ending – N/A
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